addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
