Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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