a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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