Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
