I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
