I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
