i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
