I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
