I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
