dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
