I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We need to get me chipped asap
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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