the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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