it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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