Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
