How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
