I feel like abortions should bother me more
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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