Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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