There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
