Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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