Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I don't deserve a penis
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
