I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
