I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
