Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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