fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
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