Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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