You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
