I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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