so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
