We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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