I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
