Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
