she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
