He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
another moral hangover. fuck.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
