I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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