she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
