Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
