I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
