all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
