No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize