Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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