So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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