My girlfriend figured out who you are.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
