In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
