I got chris browned last night
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
