it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
