I only kidnapped one of them. chill
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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