Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
What did we do last night that was yellow?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
