If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
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