So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize