Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
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An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
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I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I didn't notice because vodka
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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