hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
