i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
