I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
