I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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