I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
