i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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