So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
