I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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