i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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