I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
