she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
