I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
