You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Randomize
